Loyal blog followers, how I've missed you! It's been a few months and I'm sure a lot has been going on with you. It sure has for me! If you've been reading my little corner of the interwebs for any length of time (or you happen to know me in person), then you know things, they have been a-changin'.
I lost my job at a law firm I thought was great. Turns out, everything happens for a reason. I now have a job at a nationwide law firm with 1000 times better benefits (including free parking in downtown, a block from the Amway Center, 24/7/365) and MUCH nicer coworkers. Suck on that, old law firm.
My fiance and I have been scouting for a place to live. Nothing set in stone yet, but we've got an application in at a place I'm in love with... So cross your fingers and toes for us! Fiance also just started a new job that's extremely exciting and has a very promising future. Our days of both being unemployed are OVER! Can you hear the choir singing Glory Glory? I certainly can. Oh, speaking of choirs and church and such, in November I had my first rite on my way to baptism on Easter Vigil this year. It was joyous, exciting, scary (I was in front of the entire congregation!) and fun all at the same time. Fiance's mom took pictures, but her camera skills are a little weak, so the pictures didn't come out great, otherwise I'd post a couple. My next rite, the rite of election, is next month at the biggest Catholic church in the Orlando diocese: Mary, Queen of the Universe. It's going to be a big, big deal. Lots of celebration to follow.
We finally set a wedding date! While I'm not at liberty to tell you the exact date at this point, it will be in the fourth quarter of this year. More blog posts to come on wedding planning and general hysteria.
I changed my Twitter name to @J_Rad2012, so if you're a follower, tuck that under your hat.
I had a very strange encounter right before Christmas with an ex from ages ago. That definitely deserves its own post, so consider this a teaser.
Anyway, I'm on my lunch break at this very moment. I can't get into anything super long-winded since I only have a few minutes left. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I'm back, baby! One of my resolutions this year was to keep up with my blog, so you can expect to see more in the near future. Until then... :)
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Honeysuckle Blue
My current address makes the sixth city that I've lived in since moving to the penis-shaped state back in the 1990's. I was barely 16 when my family moved to Florida. It wasn't my idea, and honestly I wasn't exactly thrilled at changing schools my Sophomore year of high school. And what the hell did a farm girl from the mountains in Georgia know about palm trees and beaches anyway? It's not like I was going to jump on a surf board and hang ten, for crying out loud. I knew about tubing down the Toccoa River and jet skiing on the chilly waters of Lakes Lanier, Notley and Blue Ridge in the sweltering July heat. Frankly, I thought (and still think sometimes) that Florida smelled like rotten eggs. Swimming in waters that have the potential threats of alligators, sharks, jellyfish and the like just didn't thrill me. I don't like sand between my toes--or in any other crevice for that matter.
My first landing place on the big move to Florida was the town of Indian Harbour Beach. It's a small town, although compared to where I came from in Georgia, it was a bustling megalopolis full of promise. Pizza delivery? That actually exists? Cable television? These were things only dreamt of by those of us who grew up where I did. Satellite Beach was next on the zip code tour of Central Florida. Satellite and Indian Harbour are basically the same town. Then came the big, fat ugly mistake: Orlando. My family stayed on the coast while my idiot self moved inland. I hung in there in the interior for about 9 months before I made my way back to the coastal breezes of the Melbourne area. A few years and boyfriends later, I found myself living on the west coast in Tampa. After three years it was back to Melbourne... And now I'm in Longwood, which is a suburb of Orlando. Incidentally, I lived in the wrong part of Orlando during my first foray to the interior parts of the Sunshine State. Longwood is beautiful. And really, the name Longwood is hilarious. That shit's on my driver's license!
When I look back at all the places I've bounced around, I realize that I don't have a place I truly consider my hometown. I was born in Gainesville, Georgia, a town I never lived in. The place I associate my childhood with, Suches, is still missing from some maps because it has a post office, the smallest public school in the state of Georgia, and one convenience store. That's ALL. Blue Ridge, the town I lived in before I made my triumphant entrance into weiner land (aka Florida), probably would be the closest thing I have to a 'hometown'. Here's the thing, though. None of my family lives there. I have very few friends there. I haven't been back there in 13 long years. I fear I wouldn't recognize it, there have been so many changes there since I left.
Although both my parents, my grandmother, a cousin and a stepsister live in Melbourne, I've never considered that home. Yes, I know a lot of people there, and when I visit I often run into people I know. I just never felt any sort of affection for that place. I guess the way I feel is how military brats must feel. When you move around a lot, you don't get a hometown. I'm hardly complaining, because I have friends in each of the places I've mentioned. I could have a couch to sleep on in Blue Ridge tonight if I wanted it. I'm always welcome in Melbourne, especially because my family is there. But there isn't that pull to come "home" to any of these places like there is with a real hometown. When people ask me where I'm from, my answer is usually along the lines of, 'Originally from Georgia, but I've lived all over Florida most of my adult life.' That's kind of a sad way of saying, 'I'm not really from anywhere except where I am right now.'
I do consider myself a Georgia Peach, however. I am a Southerner in all the best ways (not the Bible-thumping, gun wielding, South-Shall-Rise-Again ways). I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that home is where your heart is. It's where you hang your hat and your heart. I'm so glad to be happy where I am, even if it won't ever be where I'm "from".
*Today's title is from the song of the same name by Drivin' N' Cryin'. Reminds me of Suches!
My first landing place on the big move to Florida was the town of Indian Harbour Beach. It's a small town, although compared to where I came from in Georgia, it was a bustling megalopolis full of promise. Pizza delivery? That actually exists? Cable television? These were things only dreamt of by those of us who grew up where I did. Satellite Beach was next on the zip code tour of Central Florida. Satellite and Indian Harbour are basically the same town. Then came the big, fat ugly mistake: Orlando. My family stayed on the coast while my idiot self moved inland. I hung in there in the interior for about 9 months before I made my way back to the coastal breezes of the Melbourne area. A few years and boyfriends later, I found myself living on the west coast in Tampa. After three years it was back to Melbourne... And now I'm in Longwood, which is a suburb of Orlando. Incidentally, I lived in the wrong part of Orlando during my first foray to the interior parts of the Sunshine State. Longwood is beautiful. And really, the name Longwood is hilarious. That shit's on my driver's license!
When I look back at all the places I've bounced around, I realize that I don't have a place I truly consider my hometown. I was born in Gainesville, Georgia, a town I never lived in. The place I associate my childhood with, Suches, is still missing from some maps because it has a post office, the smallest public school in the state of Georgia, and one convenience store. That's ALL. Blue Ridge, the town I lived in before I made my triumphant entrance into weiner land (aka Florida), probably would be the closest thing I have to a 'hometown'. Here's the thing, though. None of my family lives there. I have very few friends there. I haven't been back there in 13 long years. I fear I wouldn't recognize it, there have been so many changes there since I left.
Although both my parents, my grandmother, a cousin and a stepsister live in Melbourne, I've never considered that home. Yes, I know a lot of people there, and when I visit I often run into people I know. I just never felt any sort of affection for that place. I guess the way I feel is how military brats must feel. When you move around a lot, you don't get a hometown. I'm hardly complaining, because I have friends in each of the places I've mentioned. I could have a couch to sleep on in Blue Ridge tonight if I wanted it. I'm always welcome in Melbourne, especially because my family is there. But there isn't that pull to come "home" to any of these places like there is with a real hometown. When people ask me where I'm from, my answer is usually along the lines of, 'Originally from Georgia, but I've lived all over Florida most of my adult life.' That's kind of a sad way of saying, 'I'm not really from anywhere except where I am right now.'
I do consider myself a Georgia Peach, however. I am a Southerner in all the best ways (not the Bible-thumping, gun wielding, South-Shall-Rise-Again ways). I suppose all I'm really trying to say is that home is where your heart is. It's where you hang your hat and your heart. I'm so glad to be happy where I am, even if it won't ever be where I'm "from".
*Today's title is from the song of the same name by Drivin' N' Cryin'. Reminds me of Suches!
Friday, June 10, 2011
If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
Returning phone calls has never been one of my strong suits. In fact, I'm really, really terrible at it. I always get caught up in something else and forget until days later, when it's too late to call back because whatever the message was about is a moot point anyway. I say this in the interest of full disclosure, because what I'm about to say makes me seem like a bit of a hypocrite. It wouldn't be the first time I've been accused of that, but whatever. Just go with me on this.
In the last month, I've been on two interviews for large law firms in the downtown area. These firms are by no means Mickey Mouse operations. They're big, sleek and wealthy. The first interview I went on, I couldn't get a read on the interviewers. It was short and to the point. I answered all their questions in the manner I knew they would want them answered (which isn't to say I lied about anything because I didn't). I was ushered out pretty unceremoniously and told they'd be in touch. I had a feeling that was the kiss of death. The following week I gave my contact in their human resources department a call, and he said that they were still interviewing candidates, but that I was a contender. He gave me a time frame to call back to follow up and I did. Not only could I not get him to pick up his phone, he never returned my calls either.
The second firm I interviewed for was much different. The interviewer took her time, explained the position and the firm thoroughly and answered my questions. The interview took over an hour, and when I was leaving she told me that she would definitely be in touch late the next week. I left feeling really good about how things went. I contacted HR late the next week, to be told that candidates were still being interviewed and to check back the following week. I was starting to get a sense of deja vu. When I emailed HR again, I got no response.
Before I complain, I have to acknowledge how lucky I was to even get interviews. It means they thought I was qualified and wanted to see how I could work out. I'm sure there are other job seekers out there who are more qualified than me, considering I'm still working on my paralegal degree. I was grateful for the interviews and it definitely made me feel better about my prospects. Having said all that, I'm utterly pissed and dumbfounded that neither of these places had the decency to call, email or send a letter saying that someone else got the job. I don't take things like that personally and would have welcomed the closure of knowing that I didn't get the position. I don't think that's too much to ask. In my humble opinion, it's very unprofessional to just leave people hanging. I mean, yeah I got the hint... But this isn't a junior high break up. There's no need to be a pussy, just make the call.
I'm still searching, and although the actions (or non-actions, really) of those two firms was a little disheartening, I'm not getting all down in the dumps. This kind of thing takes time. And if anything, I've got plenty of that. In the meantime, I'm tossing around the idea of going back to work at a cosmetics counter. I did that in my early 20's, and it wasn't terrible. The money was pretty decent and the discount was great. We shall see. I'm trying to stay focused on the positives. I love where I'm living. I have a great boyfriend. I'm healthy. The rest will fall into place, I'm certain of it.
*Today's title is from Jimmy Buffet's song of the same name. Parrotthead forever :)
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In the last month, I've been on two interviews for large law firms in the downtown area. These firms are by no means Mickey Mouse operations. They're big, sleek and wealthy. The first interview I went on, I couldn't get a read on the interviewers. It was short and to the point. I answered all their questions in the manner I knew they would want them answered (which isn't to say I lied about anything because I didn't). I was ushered out pretty unceremoniously and told they'd be in touch. I had a feeling that was the kiss of death. The following week I gave my contact in their human resources department a call, and he said that they were still interviewing candidates, but that I was a contender. He gave me a time frame to call back to follow up and I did. Not only could I not get him to pick up his phone, he never returned my calls either.
The second firm I interviewed for was much different. The interviewer took her time, explained the position and the firm thoroughly and answered my questions. The interview took over an hour, and when I was leaving she told me that she would definitely be in touch late the next week. I left feeling really good about how things went. I contacted HR late the next week, to be told that candidates were still being interviewed and to check back the following week. I was starting to get a sense of deja vu. When I emailed HR again, I got no response.
Before I complain, I have to acknowledge how lucky I was to even get interviews. It means they thought I was qualified and wanted to see how I could work out. I'm sure there are other job seekers out there who are more qualified than me, considering I'm still working on my paralegal degree. I was grateful for the interviews and it definitely made me feel better about my prospects. Having said all that, I'm utterly pissed and dumbfounded that neither of these places had the decency to call, email or send a letter saying that someone else got the job. I don't take things like that personally and would have welcomed the closure of knowing that I didn't get the position. I don't think that's too much to ask. In my humble opinion, it's very unprofessional to just leave people hanging. I mean, yeah I got the hint... But this isn't a junior high break up. There's no need to be a pussy, just make the call.
I'm still searching, and although the actions (or non-actions, really) of those two firms was a little disheartening, I'm not getting all down in the dumps. This kind of thing takes time. And if anything, I've got plenty of that. In the meantime, I'm tossing around the idea of going back to work at a cosmetics counter. I did that in my early 20's, and it wasn't terrible. The money was pretty decent and the discount was great. We shall see. I'm trying to stay focused on the positives. I love where I'm living. I have a great boyfriend. I'm healthy. The rest will fall into place, I'm certain of it.
*Today's title is from Jimmy Buffet's song of the same name. Parrotthead forever :)
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Back In The Saddle
I'd say that over a month of not posting a new entry to my blog is a little excessive. Things in the Noelle world have been a little topsy-turvy to say the least. I have a lot to say, but I think for now a list of updates is all I can muster. I have to ease myself back into this. It's like exercising, I think. You can't just go balls to the wall your first day out. So here's the scoop, in case you were wondering what the hell happened to me.
- I'm living in Orlando now. Longwood, actually. Longwood is NOT Orlando, as I've been told, but for all intents and purposes, it's close enough.
- I've started sending out my resume and looking for a job again. I still will be going to school, but I need cash flow and I'm going bonkers with nothing to do over the summer. Liquidity AND purpose will make me a happy girl.
- After a lot of soul searching and reflection, I'm converting to Catholicism. I may have mentioned this in a previous post, but I went to my local parish and signed up for the classes I have to take before I can be baptized, confirmed and receive my first communion on Easter Vigil (the Saturday before Easter Sunday) next year. Classes start in September, and are every Sunday after Mass and every Monday night at 7:00. Prince Charming is my sponsor, and I've asked his mother to be my Godmother. I can say without reservation that the decision to become Catholic is not at all influenced by him or his family. I've been searching for, groping for, wishing for something right for a long time. After attending Mass a few times, I felt deep down in my bones that I've finally found what's right for me.
- If you know me, you'll know that for a very, very long time I've said that in order for me to run, someone would have to be chasing me. Not to be a hypocrite, but I've changed my tune. One of my friends has taken up running, and she blogs about it frequently. She's inspired me to give it a try. A real try, not just go out once and then give up. If I can get into it, which I think I can, I'm going to start training for a triathlon. I know that sounds incredibly crazy coming from me, but I need to get myself in shape before I hit the big 3-0 in a few months. Obviously I won't be ready to throw down by then, but I'll at least have some tone and look good in pictures. Vanity drives a girl to do things differently, ya know.
- My very favorite artist, Matt Nathanson, has a new album coming out on June 21 called Modern Love. I own ALL his other stuff and it's awesome. I'll be buying the new stuff on iTunes the day it comes out. It might seem like a strange thing to be so excited about, but this album has been a long time in the making. I follow him on Twitter, and I've been charting the progress of Modern Love for a while. If you're into Indie rock, you should definitely check him out here.
- I've deleted my Facebook account. If you're dying to find out what I'm up to, you'll have to come here or follow me on Twitter. I'm pretty obsessed with Twitter and also with FourSquare. Thank you iPhone, for turning me into a freak. Okay, I was already a freak...
- The Casey Anthony trial started today. If you aren't familiar with it, just do a little Googling. I'm obsessed with it. I'd LOVE to be a paralegal working on that case. Prosecution or defense, I wouldn't care. It's super juicy.
Friday, April 22, 2011
There's A Fire Starting In My Heart
This entry is going to be a bit of a mish-mash, so hold on tight. I figure bullet points is the easiest way to go about this, since it's early in the morning and I'm not inclined at this point to put together fully coherent thoughts.
Well, I think that's it for this time. As usual, everything is up and down and up again. I wouldn't have it any other way!
*Today's post title is courtesy of "Rolling In The Deep" by Adele. Get that album, she's incredible.
- I deleted my Facebook account. It's just become too Big Brother-ish. I don't like everyone and their uncle knowing all my business. I had too many 'friends' who I would probably never speak to in real life. Why do these people need to know about my daily life? They don't. Not to mention, Facebook is too much like high school. If you've read any of my blogs or know anything about me, you'll know that high school and I didn't part on amicable terms. Getting out of there was one of the greatest days of my life. Why should I relive it electronically?
- That being said, I do still have Twitter and Foursquare accounts. Neither have my picture or full name attached to them. If you'd like to follow me on either application, you can find me @JStoutie.
- I'm slowly repairing a broken friendship (A., this isn't about you. We're fixed!) and I'm so happy to be making baby steps back to open communication. I know better than to let communication lapse. It's the enemy of any good relationship.
- I'm a hypocrite. I freely admit it. For years I wanted no part of religion. I think that harkens back to the day when I was 10 years old and attending summer Bible school at a friend's Southern Baptist church and the preacher told me I was going to Hell because Jesus hadn't saved me. After that, I figured this Jesus dude must be a real ball buster and I didn't need any part of that. That was nearly 20 years ago, and I'm finally starting to open my heart. I've been to Catholic mass a couple times now, and I've also been doing a lot of reading. What really did it for me was reading a book called The Shack by William P. Young. Honestly, if you're on the fence about God or you just want a reaffirmation of your faith, I strongly urge you to read this book. I don't plan on turning this blog into anything preachy, so don't worry. Faith is making an appearance in my life, so I'm sure it will make an occasional appearance here as well. I'm still snarky, but my edges have been softened a little.
- Prince Charming and I put the brakes on our nuptials in a big way. The stress of planning a wedding got to both of us. Nothing has changed about our relationship except that we're taking the time to enjoy each other instead of crazily running around trying to put together a huge shindig. That's not what it should be about, and we both realize that after coming to our senses.
- I'm only going to say this, and then leave the subject alone: "Googling" someone isn't a good idea. You only get half truths and misinformation. Ask questions, don't try to do an amateur background check.
- I'm taking two classes for the summer semester that I'm pretty excited about. Both are online which isn't my favorite, but my favorite professor and mentor, Dr. J., doesn't teach classes during the summer. Online classes also give me the freedom to travel a bit and not have to be in Melbourne on any particular day. I'm taking Business Organizations and Law Office Procedures. They may sound boring to you, but they are both classes that are essential to my field and I'm looking forward to learning what I need and getting them out of the way. Fall semester will be here before I can even blink. I should probably start thinking about my Fall schedule, come to think of it.
- If you like getting manicures or pedicures, you need to seek out a salon that uses Shellac nail polish. The stuff is incredible. My manicure lasts for almost 2 weeks with no chipping. Also, if you're a runner and your polish rubs off your toes (PlumQueen, I'm talking to you), you need to try Shellac. It's more expensive, but it's SO worth it. That's an endorsement coming from the Queen of Unemployment. If you're in Central FL, the best place to go is Sorelli Hair Studio. I get all my salon services done there (hair, facials, waxing, nails, massage) and everyone there is awesome.
Well, I think that's it for this time. As usual, everything is up and down and up again. I wouldn't have it any other way!
*Today's post title is courtesy of "Rolling In The Deep" by Adele. Get that album, she's incredible.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Amazing Again
Just one short year ago, my life felt like it was falling down around me. I had no job, no car, barely a place to live... I was on the verge of a very strange breakup with someone I thought I cared a great deal for. Last March I moved back in with Mom, filed a FAFSA and got myself enrolled in school again. Slowly but surely I've been digging myself out of the awful pit I found myself in. It's been an up and down sort of path to get to today. I've had setbacks and triumphs. I've been enormously humbled by the events of the last 14 months.
I was beginning to give up on the whole dating thing. I had some fun dating around with a few guys, but nothing serious. I just figured that something would come along eventually. Honestly, I was happier alone than dating a bunch of randoms. It just got too tiresome. I've said this in past posts, but juggling a bunch of prospective dates is just not my style. A couple weeks ago I made a deal with myself. I decided to pay for one month on Chemistry.com (possibly the only legit dating site I hadn't yet given a go). If, at the end of that month, I wasn't at least exchanging emails with someone, I'd delete my profile and go back to being dateless for at least a few more months.
Let's just say that $40 membership was a very, very good investment. I met someone that I can honestly say without any hesitation that I'm totally crazy about. He's smart and witty. He has a good job and is completely self-sufficient. He appreciates and respects the crapola I've been through in the last couple years and understands that I'm working extremely hard to make a better life for myself. He has a pug and loves to cook just as much, if not more, than I do. He's astoundingly generous and humble. There are qualities he has that I honestly never thought I'd actually find in a man. We are already so comfortable around each other that I have a hard time myself believing that we met in person for the first time less than a week ago.
I know it sounds like I'm jumping the gun on all this. I don't think I am.
There's this cyclical quality to life that I'm finally starting to wrap my head around. Shit happens that gets you completely down and out, but then slowly things start to cycle back around. Inch by inch, day by day, your world starts to turn itself right-side up again. Things are starting to look amazing again.
Today's blog title is from "Amazing Again" by Matt Nathanson (the best indie artist EVER)
I was beginning to give up on the whole dating thing. I had some fun dating around with a few guys, but nothing serious. I just figured that something would come along eventually. Honestly, I was happier alone than dating a bunch of randoms. It just got too tiresome. I've said this in past posts, but juggling a bunch of prospective dates is just not my style. A couple weeks ago I made a deal with myself. I decided to pay for one month on Chemistry.com (possibly the only legit dating site I hadn't yet given a go). If, at the end of that month, I wasn't at least exchanging emails with someone, I'd delete my profile and go back to being dateless for at least a few more months.
Let's just say that $40 membership was a very, very good investment. I met someone that I can honestly say without any hesitation that I'm totally crazy about. He's smart and witty. He has a good job and is completely self-sufficient. He appreciates and respects the crapola I've been through in the last couple years and understands that I'm working extremely hard to make a better life for myself. He has a pug and loves to cook just as much, if not more, than I do. He's astoundingly generous and humble. There are qualities he has that I honestly never thought I'd actually find in a man. We are already so comfortable around each other that I have a hard time myself believing that we met in person for the first time less than a week ago.
I know it sounds like I'm jumping the gun on all this. I don't think I am.
There's this cyclical quality to life that I'm finally starting to wrap my head around. Shit happens that gets you completely down and out, but then slowly things start to cycle back around. Inch by inch, day by day, your world starts to turn itself right-side up again. Things are starting to look amazing again.
Today's blog title is from "Amazing Again" by Matt Nathanson (the best indie artist EVER)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Listening For Voices, But It's The Choices That Make Us Who We Are
For a long time I thought that just 'going with the flow' was definitely the right way to live. I definitely believe that it's advantageous to be flexible, but I don't think rolling with every punch gets you anywhere. There's an old saying that I really like: "Only dead fish go with the flow." Dude... So true.
I've finally realized that letting the wind blow me around where ever it may isn't the way I want to live. Sometimes I need to push back a little. Or a lot. A long time ago (a decade, to be exact) when I first moved away and enrolled at a university, I had absolutely zero desire or drive to be there. I didn't know what I wanted in life (still don't) and just wanted to be free. Maybe it was being 19 years old... It could've been anything, but I know now that I'm not that girl anymore. It took me a decade to figure it out. A decade. Damn, that sounds like an eternity.
What I'm trying to say and not really saying well is that I've made some bad choices, but I'm not letting that shit define me. Watch me fight back and win. I refuse to be 40 years old and busting my ass at some shitty paying retail job and hating my miserable existence. I've finally realized that being lazy and too flexible is just dumb. I'm going to fight hard to make a life for myself that I'm happy with and proud of, no matter what it takes.
So bring it on. I can handle it.
Today's title is from "The Unwinding Cable Car" by Anberlin.
I've finally realized that letting the wind blow me around where ever it may isn't the way I want to live. Sometimes I need to push back a little. Or a lot. A long time ago (a decade, to be exact) when I first moved away and enrolled at a university, I had absolutely zero desire or drive to be there. I didn't know what I wanted in life (still don't) and just wanted to be free. Maybe it was being 19 years old... It could've been anything, but I know now that I'm not that girl anymore. It took me a decade to figure it out. A decade. Damn, that sounds like an eternity.
What I'm trying to say and not really saying well is that I've made some bad choices, but I'm not letting that shit define me. Watch me fight back and win. I refuse to be 40 years old and busting my ass at some shitty paying retail job and hating my miserable existence. I've finally realized that being lazy and too flexible is just dumb. I'm going to fight hard to make a life for myself that I'm happy with and proud of, no matter what it takes.
So bring it on. I can handle it.
Today's title is from "The Unwinding Cable Car" by Anberlin.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Resolve and Other Myths
I think that most people who know me personally know that I'm not a fan of the Christmas holiday. I think it's way overrated and people spend much too much time dwelling on spending an excess of money trying to get the 'best' gifts for everyone they know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those Jesus-Is-The-Reason-For-The-Season-Keep-CHRIST-In-Christmas types. Far from it. In fact, I cringe when I see that crap. Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and if you're blessed to live in America, you have the freedom of speech. That being said, shut up. Really. And if you have a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas day, I'm likely to tell you that December 25th is not, in fact, the day of the Savior's birth. But really, I don't want to argue. Believe whatever floats your boat. Here's how I sum it up (courtesy of Badass Geek):
And now on to other matters... I've decided that after years of having a singular New Year's resolution (which was to never have any resolutions), I'm going to make a few this year. Now is as good a time as any to turn over a new leaf. It just so happens to coincide with the calendar changing from December to January. I need to make some changes. So here they are:
- Fast food no more than once per month,
- Exercise at least 5 days per week,
- Study hard and make A's in all my classes,
- Reconnect with friends who I've neglected my relationships with.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
When In Rome...
On more than one occasion on this blog, I've expressed my desire to go to Italy. I even posted a list of things I want to accomplish before I die, and touring Italy was numero uno (that's Italian, not Spanish). I don't think that one trip to 'the boot' will suffice. I think about all the Parmigiano Reggiano and Proscuitto di Parma to be had in Parma, the fiery peppers to sample in Calabria, the sun-drenched herbs of Tuscany... I could go on and on... And on. When I think about it, it seems like it would take years to fully explore that country the way I'd like to.
However, if for some reason I was only able to ever make one trip to Italy (God forbid), I would go to Rome. I'm sure most people would pick Venice as their number one. The gondolas, Murano glass, Piazza San Marco... It's all very romantic. Really, they can keep their stinking polluted canals. I know that their seafood is second to none, and of course there's the architecture. While I want to see it, I'd pass Venice up in a heartbeat in favor of Rome for my one-stop-Italian-tour.
Why Rome? Oh my... Why not Rome? I'd like to say it's because Vatican City is there, but I'm not Catholic. I'd also like to say that seeing the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, the Solare Obelisk or the Pantheon are high on my priority list. If I'm honest with myself and you dear reader, none of that matters. What matters is something I can't explain. It's something about the Roman way of life that appeals to me. If anyone embodies La Dolce Vita, it's the Romans. Rome is positively overflowing with fat, American tourists... Yet it still holds on to its very ancient heritage. Truth be told, I'd like to live there.
I'd like to live an Italian life, going to the market everyday to purchase my produce for dinner. Sitting in an outdoor cafe, sipping vino and eating cacio di pepe (pasta with cheese and pepper) sounds like the most divine way to spend an evening with someone special. I don't know what exactly it is that appeals to me about Romans so much, or the Roman way of life, but I'd like to live it for a while. How could you not want to live in a place with all that ancient, beautiful genius in your backyard?
More importantly, in my opinion, how could you not want to eat as well as Romans? It's really all about the food for me, and Rome is probably the most perfect place on the planet for me to eat myself into oblivion. Sure, I'd find some restraint somewhere deep down... I guess. I think a stay in Rome is in order. Six months should do. Anyone want to come along?
However, if for some reason I was only able to ever make one trip to Italy (God forbid), I would go to Rome. I'm sure most people would pick Venice as their number one. The gondolas, Murano glass, Piazza San Marco... It's all very romantic. Really, they can keep their stinking polluted canals. I know that their seafood is second to none, and of course there's the architecture. While I want to see it, I'd pass Venice up in a heartbeat in favor of Rome for my one-stop-Italian-tour.
Why Rome? Oh my... Why not Rome? I'd like to say it's because Vatican City is there, but I'm not Catholic. I'd also like to say that seeing the Colosseum, Trevi Fountain, the Solare Obelisk or the Pantheon are high on my priority list. If I'm honest with myself and you dear reader, none of that matters. What matters is something I can't explain. It's something about the Roman way of life that appeals to me. If anyone embodies La Dolce Vita, it's the Romans. Rome is positively overflowing with fat, American tourists... Yet it still holds on to its very ancient heritage. Truth be told, I'd like to live there.
I'd like to live an Italian life, going to the market everyday to purchase my produce for dinner. Sitting in an outdoor cafe, sipping vino and eating cacio di pepe (pasta with cheese and pepper) sounds like the most divine way to spend an evening with someone special. I don't know what exactly it is that appeals to me about Romans so much, or the Roman way of life, but I'd like to live it for a while. How could you not want to live in a place with all that ancient, beautiful genius in your backyard?
More importantly, in my opinion, how could you not want to eat as well as Romans? It's really all about the food for me, and Rome is probably the most perfect place on the planet for me to eat myself into oblivion. Sure, I'd find some restraint somewhere deep down... I guess. I think a stay in Rome is in order. Six months should do. Anyone want to come along?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
The End Where I Begin
As of July 1, I've been out of work for seven months. It hasn't been easy on me. I hate just sitting around and not having anything to do. I gave up looking for a job a couple months ago, deciding to focus solely on going back to school. While I was happy with that decision, I wasn't happy with the fact that I'd have to live on student loan money alone. I'd be able to do it, but it wouldn't be easy or very much fun at all.
On Wednesday, I received a phone call from a staffing agency who found my resume posted on one of the career websites. They had a client who needed someone with my experience and wanted to talk to me about the position. I called back out of curiosity, but I really didn't think anything would come of it. After speaking to the very nice woman at the staffing agency, she e-mailed over a couple quizzes for me to take online to make sure I would qualify. I took them and waited to hear back. Thursday morning, bright and early, I got a phone call from staffing lady... Hired. No interviews, no application, no nonsense. All I had to do was take a drug test and come to her office to fill out some paperwork. So of course I did both of those before the end of the day on Thursday. My start date is this coming Wednesday. It's a long term contract position, and I'll be receiving a full benefits package (vacation, health, 401k) from the staffing agency.
It just goes to show that when you stop looking so hard for the answer, it will show itself. I honestly believe that good things come to those who wait... And those who keep the faith that things will work out in the end. I'm so unbelievably grateful that I can't even express it. After these past few months of ups and downs, all I could think of to sum up the situation is a song by The Script, 'The End Where I Begin'.
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
[X3]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars dont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
On Wednesday, I received a phone call from a staffing agency who found my resume posted on one of the career websites. They had a client who needed someone with my experience and wanted to talk to me about the position. I called back out of curiosity, but I really didn't think anything would come of it. After speaking to the very nice woman at the staffing agency, she e-mailed over a couple quizzes for me to take online to make sure I would qualify. I took them and waited to hear back. Thursday morning, bright and early, I got a phone call from staffing lady... Hired. No interviews, no application, no nonsense. All I had to do was take a drug test and come to her office to fill out some paperwork. So of course I did both of those before the end of the day on Thursday. My start date is this coming Wednesday. It's a long term contract position, and I'll be receiving a full benefits package (vacation, health, 401k) from the staffing agency.
It just goes to show that when you stop looking so hard for the answer, it will show itself. I honestly believe that good things come to those who wait... And those who keep the faith that things will work out in the end. I'm so unbelievably grateful that I can't even express it. After these past few months of ups and downs, all I could think of to sum up the situation is a song by The Script, 'The End Where I Begin'.
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars wont ever fade away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end where I begin
It's the end where I begin
Now I'm alive
And my ghosts are gone
I've shed all the pain
I've been holding on
The cure for a heart
Is to move along, is to move along
So move along
[X3]
What don't kill a heart
Only makes it strong
Sometimes tears say all there is to say
Sometime your first scars dont ever fade, away
Tried to break my heart
Well it's broke
Tried to hang me high
Well I'm choked
Wanted rain on me
Well I'm soaked
Soaked to the skin
It's the end
End where I begin
It's the end
End where I begin
Sometimes we don't learn from our mistakes
Sometimes we've no choice but to walk away, away
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Lists and Lists and Lists
A couple years ago, on my previous blog, I wrote a 'bucket list' in two parts. I think it's good to have one, and although I haven't checked anything off it yet, I know that these are the things I want to work toward. I went back and revisited it, and I found that some of the things that used to be on there were no longer things I really cared that much about. For instance "walk down the aisle" has been deleted. Not because I don't want to ever get married, but because I'll do it when and if the time is right, not because it's on a list of things I have to do before I kick it.
I'm a notorious list maker. I never, ever go on a trip without making a list of things I need to pack. I can't conceive of going to the grocery store without a list. It's not that I'm not spontaneous, because I am. It's just that in some cases, I'd rather be prepared. So I guess life is a good situation to be prepared for, hence the list. I hate calling it a bucket list because of that Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie. I'd rather just call it what I called it before that movie came out: The List. Here's the revised version (in no particular order).
* Tour Italy. The entire country, not just Rome and Venice.
* See the Grand Canyon and take the hokey donkey ride to the canyon floor and back.
* Fly a plane solo.
* Drive the entire length of the Pacific Coast Highway.
* Have one complete tasting course at The French Laundry in Napa Valley, CA.
* Drive on the Autobahn. (That's my manly wish).
* Go parasailing.
* See the Great Wall of China.
* Get a tattoo that says “one step at a time” across the top of my right foot.
* Go to Greece… Especially Athens.
* See the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janiero, Brazil.
* See The Barenaked Ladies in concert.
* Eat the Southern Buffet at The Lady and Sons in Savannah.
* Learn to do a proper tango.
* Go to a Cirque du Soliel show.
* Go on a sunset sail on one of the tall ships in Key West.
* Swim with dolphins.
* Visit Vietnam.
* Go to Charleston, SC.
* Get some of my writing published properly (not just in blog form).
* Go on a safari in Africa.
* Eat tapas in Spain.
* Cook in a professional kitchen, even if just for a day.
* Visit the place where my family settled in the New World, Hyde Park and Margaretville, New York.
* Go on the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier in Chicago.
* Get my degree.
* Get away from it all in Fiji.
* Take a cruise through the Panama Canal.
* Go to Alaska.
I'm a notorious list maker. I never, ever go on a trip without making a list of things I need to pack. I can't conceive of going to the grocery store without a list. It's not that I'm not spontaneous, because I am. It's just that in some cases, I'd rather be prepared. So I guess life is a good situation to be prepared for, hence the list. I hate calling it a bucket list because of that Morgan Freeman/Jack Nicholson movie. I'd rather just call it what I called it before that movie came out: The List. Here's the revised version (in no particular order).
* Tour Italy. The entire country, not just Rome and Venice.
* See the Grand Canyon and take the hokey donkey ride to the canyon floor and back.
* Fly a plane solo.
* Drive the entire length of the Pacific Coast Highway.
* Have one complete tasting course at The French Laundry in Napa Valley, CA.
* Drive on the Autobahn. (That's my manly wish).
* Go parasailing.
* See the Great Wall of China.
* Get a tattoo that says “one step at a time” across the top of my right foot.
* Go to Greece… Especially Athens.
* See the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janiero, Brazil.
* See The Barenaked Ladies in concert.
* Eat the Southern Buffet at The Lady and Sons in Savannah.
* Learn to do a proper tango.
* Go to a Cirque du Soliel show.
* Go on a sunset sail on one of the tall ships in Key West.
* Swim with dolphins.
* Visit Vietnam.
* Go to Charleston, SC.
* Get some of my writing published properly (not just in blog form).
* Go on a safari in Africa.
* Eat tapas in Spain.
* Cook in a professional kitchen, even if just for a day.
* Visit the place where my family settled in the New World, Hyde Park and Margaretville, New York.
* Go on the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier in Chicago.
* Get my degree.
* Get away from it all in Fiji.
* Take a cruise through the Panama Canal.
* Go to Alaska.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Give Me A Break, Let Me Make My Own Pattern
This girl is forging new waters, dear reader. Let's just say that it's been a long time since I've been this happy. Things in my life has drastically changed in the past few months and I'm so happy with the way things are going now. I still have plenty of trials and tribulations to survive, don't get me wrong. The really amazing part is that I'm not just surviving, I'm living. Every day is something new, and that's exciting. I've been spending a lot of time outside, enjoying Florida living (although it's hella hot). I've been exercising on a regular basis, which is not only good physically (I've lost over 15 lbs.) but also mentally. I have a clear goal that I'm working toward, which is something I haven't had in a very long time.
I had coffee with someone very cool today. That's a big first for me (in a long ass time anyway). He's cute and sweet and we'll see what happens. Who knows? I'm just so happy to be back to being the cool ass chick I used to be. It's been a long time coming. And who wouldn't dig me? I'm pretty fucking awesome. ;-)
I'm in a good place. I needed to get back to making my own way and choosing my own destiny. Thank goodness for do-overs!
Thanks to O.A.R. for today's blog title (Shattered).
I had coffee with someone very cool today. That's a big first for me (in a long ass time anyway). He's cute and sweet and we'll see what happens. Who knows? I'm just so happy to be back to being the cool ass chick I used to be. It's been a long time coming. And who wouldn't dig me? I'm pretty fucking awesome. ;-)
I'm in a good place. I needed to get back to making my own way and choosing my own destiny. Thank goodness for do-overs!
Thanks to O.A.R. for today's blog title (Shattered).
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself
While reading secrets at one of my very favorite websites, PostSecret, I came across a postcard that said everything I want to say.
When you realize that's what's happening, I'll be there.
When you realize that's what's happening, I'll be there.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
In Repair
A few questions bouncing around in my head lately:
What the hell am I doing?
Who do I want to be when I grow up?
Seriously, what the hell am I doing? (This one bears repeating, because I've found myself in quite a quandary as of late.)
The following is my inept attempt to answer those questions for myself and also for you, dear reader. I'm sure you must care since you've not clicked the X in the top right yet. Stick with me, this might get interesting. Stranger things have happened...
What the hell am I doing? Hmmm... It seems that in the past month or so, I've done quite a bit of reevaluation on a lot of different levels. My life is in a state of flux; quietly passing from one chapter on to the next. I spent some time sleeping all day, wallowing in my misery on the perceived failures that have plagued my little life lately. I've spent time with my family, which I sorely missed during my brief stint on the left coast. I've reconnected with my big sister, who has been gone too long from my life for stupid reasons (i.e. we're both stubborn). I'm trying to figure out what the fuck I want from this life, and what I want to give back in return. I've given thought to how much of a sell out I will allow myself to become... Let's face it, I'm 28 and living at home again. Nothing is off limits at this point. I've come to realize that I need to drink more and look backward much, much less. There's nothing back there behind me that I can get back, nor do I want it back at all. I gave myself permission to mourn the loss of a life I thought I would have, that will never be.
Who do I want to be when I grow up? Well, at this point I don't see myself growing up any time soon. Possibly when (if) I finally have kids, then I'll grow up a little. Until then, I just feel like I'm getting away with pretending to be an adult and someone is going to find me out and send my ass straight back to 10th grade. While that's a sobering thought, I'm still giggling at poo jokes and getting myself into entirely too much trouble. With that in mind, I did manage to pin down what I want to be. I finally think I'm adult enough to go back to school and make something of myself. I knew this day would eventually come, I just didn't know when. I suppose it took life putting my back against the wall for me to see it. When I worked at the law office, I loved it. Seriously, who would've thought? Anyway, it's too late in life for me to endure undergrad AND law school. I'd be 40 by the time I got done having my nose stuck in a book. Next best option (and much more manageable for my semi-short attention span): paralegal. In 4 semesters I can get a real job... In 8 I can graduate and finally be a contender for good jobs. I'm devoting the rest of my week to researching universities and colleges to see what my best plan of attack would be. I'm not getting any younger... The sooner I can get my show on the road, the better.
Seriously, what the hell am I doing? Dear reader, the truth is I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Let's just get that out in the open right now. I find myself in a situation that I never expected to be in, because I'm me and I always get what I want (in some shape or form). I want someone I can't have. I've wanted the seemingly unattainable in the past... A boy in another time zone... Someone who wasn't interested in me... Those instances were excruciatingly sticky. Obviously I survived, stronger and more clear-headed from each of them (and many others). What sets this person apart from those others is that I literally cannot have him. It isn't just that he's far away (he is) or that he isn't interested back (he is), it's that he's spoken for. So what the hell am I doing? I ask myself this at least once daily. The answer isn't quite clear. I've chalked some of it up to the 'fuck it you only live once' mentality. That's been my defense in the past for some of my transgressions, and it seems to hold up (at least for my sanity). I find that I'm asking myself idiotic questions for which there are no answers... "Why now? Why him? Why ME?" The answer is that there really are no answers at all. I guess that old adage, 'the heart wants what the heart wants' applies to this situation. It's an amazingly good distraction from my woes (and his as well from what I gather). As previously stated, I have a propensity for getting myself into sticky situations and this one is downright caramel-coated. I keep telling myself that one of the variables in this equation will change... And it's entirely possible that something will, in fact, give. Or not. I have a friend who, until recently, always went for the guy she could never have. I always thought that it was just the fact that the guy was out of reach that made him appealing. She finally saw the light and found someone within reach. I always felt bad for her... Now I AM her. I know this much: I'm not playing any kind of fucked up little game. I don't know how to guard my heart, and I'm glad that I don't. I'd rather live with longing than live in a sea of numbness. There's more to this life than being alive. Whatever happens... Well, happens. In the meantime, I'm just enjoying the present and occasionally asking myself 'what the hell am I doing'.
'I'm in repair... I'm not together, but I'm getting there.' -John Mayer (bastard has lyrics for every situation)
What the hell am I doing?
Who do I want to be when I grow up?
Seriously, what the hell am I doing? (This one bears repeating, because I've found myself in quite a quandary as of late.)
The following is my inept attempt to answer those questions for myself and also for you, dear reader. I'm sure you must care since you've not clicked the X in the top right yet. Stick with me, this might get interesting. Stranger things have happened...
What the hell am I doing? Hmmm... It seems that in the past month or so, I've done quite a bit of reevaluation on a lot of different levels. My life is in a state of flux; quietly passing from one chapter on to the next. I spent some time sleeping all day, wallowing in my misery on the perceived failures that have plagued my little life lately. I've spent time with my family, which I sorely missed during my brief stint on the left coast. I've reconnected with my big sister, who has been gone too long from my life for stupid reasons (i.e. we're both stubborn). I'm trying to figure out what the fuck I want from this life, and what I want to give back in return. I've given thought to how much of a sell out I will allow myself to become... Let's face it, I'm 28 and living at home again. Nothing is off limits at this point. I've come to realize that I need to drink more and look backward much, much less. There's nothing back there behind me that I can get back, nor do I want it back at all. I gave myself permission to mourn the loss of a life I thought I would have, that will never be.
Who do I want to be when I grow up? Well, at this point I don't see myself growing up any time soon. Possibly when (if) I finally have kids, then I'll grow up a little. Until then, I just feel like I'm getting away with pretending to be an adult and someone is going to find me out and send my ass straight back to 10th grade. While that's a sobering thought, I'm still giggling at poo jokes and getting myself into entirely too much trouble. With that in mind, I did manage to pin down what I want to be. I finally think I'm adult enough to go back to school and make something of myself. I knew this day would eventually come, I just didn't know when. I suppose it took life putting my back against the wall for me to see it. When I worked at the law office, I loved it. Seriously, who would've thought? Anyway, it's too late in life for me to endure undergrad AND law school. I'd be 40 by the time I got done having my nose stuck in a book. Next best option (and much more manageable for my semi-short attention span): paralegal. In 4 semesters I can get a real job... In 8 I can graduate and finally be a contender for good jobs. I'm devoting the rest of my week to researching universities and colleges to see what my best plan of attack would be. I'm not getting any younger... The sooner I can get my show on the road, the better.
Seriously, what the hell am I doing? Dear reader, the truth is I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Let's just get that out in the open right now. I find myself in a situation that I never expected to be in, because I'm me and I always get what I want (in some shape or form). I want someone I can't have. I've wanted the seemingly unattainable in the past... A boy in another time zone... Someone who wasn't interested in me... Those instances were excruciatingly sticky. Obviously I survived, stronger and more clear-headed from each of them (and many others). What sets this person apart from those others is that I literally cannot have him. It isn't just that he's far away (he is) or that he isn't interested back (he is), it's that he's spoken for. So what the hell am I doing? I ask myself this at least once daily. The answer isn't quite clear. I've chalked some of it up to the 'fuck it you only live once' mentality. That's been my defense in the past for some of my transgressions, and it seems to hold up (at least for my sanity). I find that I'm asking myself idiotic questions for which there are no answers... "Why now? Why him? Why ME?" The answer is that there really are no answers at all. I guess that old adage, 'the heart wants what the heart wants' applies to this situation. It's an amazingly good distraction from my woes (and his as well from what I gather). As previously stated, I have a propensity for getting myself into sticky situations and this one is downright caramel-coated. I keep telling myself that one of the variables in this equation will change... And it's entirely possible that something will, in fact, give. Or not. I have a friend who, until recently, always went for the guy she could never have. I always thought that it was just the fact that the guy was out of reach that made him appealing. She finally saw the light and found someone within reach. I always felt bad for her... Now I AM her. I know this much: I'm not playing any kind of fucked up little game. I don't know how to guard my heart, and I'm glad that I don't. I'd rather live with longing than live in a sea of numbness. There's more to this life than being alive. Whatever happens... Well, happens. In the meantime, I'm just enjoying the present and occasionally asking myself 'what the hell am I doing'.
'I'm in repair... I'm not together, but I'm getting there.' -John Mayer (bastard has lyrics for every situation)
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Falling Together
Since my last post, so much has happened. I'm sure you'll excuse my absence. Z broke up with me. I moved back to Melbourne. I've been a busy little bee. My first reaction was numbness. For days, I didn't cry or even feel anything. I think I may have gotten teary eyed a couple times since then, but that's about it. My mother has remarked at how composed I've been throughout what could certainly be categorized as an upheaval in my life.
I'm not sure what it is, but I just don't feel that bad. I have no animosity or hatred, no heartache or sick stomach. I'm thankful to have a mother who would take me in until I can find a job and get back on my feet. I'm thankful for the friends who've been beyond supportive and encouraging. Though my path took a hard left turn, I feel like I'm on the correct one. Each day is a step in a new direction... One that I like very much. :) I have no regrets about anything, per my usual MO.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
-Orianthi
I'm not sure what it is, but I just don't feel that bad. I have no animosity or hatred, no heartache or sick stomach. I'm thankful to have a mother who would take me in until I can find a job and get back on my feet. I'm thankful for the friends who've been beyond supportive and encouraging. Though my path took a hard left turn, I feel like I'm on the correct one. Each day is a step in a new direction... One that I like very much. :) I have no regrets about anything, per my usual MO.
But according to him
I'm beautiful,
incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don't feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
-Orianthi
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Jeers
"Happy New Year, everyone! This year is going to be fantastic!"
I have to say, I detest this sentiment. I've never liked New Year's Eve parties, or making resolutions. I think it's all a big waste of time and energy. In case you haven't been clued in, every day is the beginning of a new year. Each day is a chance to start over, from scratch, and make things different than they've been before.
I take particular offense to someone telling me how fantabulous the upcoming year is going to be for us all. Really, Kreskin? Did you look into your crystal ball and see bluebirds, puppies and lottery jackpots for everyone, or are you just full of shit? If you'd pressed pause on your life for a second and taken a look at mine, you'd see that things are far from fantabulous in the Noelle neck of the woods. As hopeful as I'd like to be, I'm more realistic about the fact that things are going to be stormy for a while before the clouds start to break. So don't insult my intelligence with your generalized niceties about how you just know things will be different this year. You said that last year, and the year before that... Was anything really that different? Not particularly.
This isn't to say that I'm not hopeful for better things to come. I am. I want things in my life to be better than they are currently (read my previous blog to see a shining example of why). I also know that things don't change with the ceremonious dropping of a ball in a far-flung city, or eating black-eyed peas and collard greens on New Year's Day. I'll stick with the latter tradition because it's tasty, though. Change takes work and dedication. Change takes facing adversity. It means finding something to believe in, and sticking with it even when everything seems like it can't get any worse.
Most of all, change means focusing on what you have right now and not being overly concerned with the future. Things happen, plans change, promises get broken, lives get altered. The only way to know for sure that things will come out okay is to focus on what you have right this minute, even if it isn't much at all. I guess that's why I get upset at the notion of all this New Year's fanfare.
So stick your "Happy New Year!" midnight text where the sun don't shine.
I have to say, I detest this sentiment. I've never liked New Year's Eve parties, or making resolutions. I think it's all a big waste of time and energy. In case you haven't been clued in, every day is the beginning of a new year. Each day is a chance to start over, from scratch, and make things different than they've been before.
I take particular offense to someone telling me how fantabulous the upcoming year is going to be for us all. Really, Kreskin? Did you look into your crystal ball and see bluebirds, puppies and lottery jackpots for everyone, or are you just full of shit? If you'd pressed pause on your life for a second and taken a look at mine, you'd see that things are far from fantabulous in the Noelle neck of the woods. As hopeful as I'd like to be, I'm more realistic about the fact that things are going to be stormy for a while before the clouds start to break. So don't insult my intelligence with your generalized niceties about how you just know things will be different this year. You said that last year, and the year before that... Was anything really that different? Not particularly.
This isn't to say that I'm not hopeful for better things to come. I am. I want things in my life to be better than they are currently (read my previous blog to see a shining example of why). I also know that things don't change with the ceremonious dropping of a ball in a far-flung city, or eating black-eyed peas and collard greens on New Year's Day. I'll stick with the latter tradition because it's tasty, though. Change takes work and dedication. Change takes facing adversity. It means finding something to believe in, and sticking with it even when everything seems like it can't get any worse.
Most of all, change means focusing on what you have right now and not being overly concerned with the future. Things happen, plans change, promises get broken, lives get altered. The only way to know for sure that things will come out okay is to focus on what you have right this minute, even if it isn't much at all. I guess that's why I get upset at the notion of all this New Year's fanfare.
So stick your "Happy New Year!" midnight text where the sun don't shine.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Heart of Glass
Leave it to John Mayer to put together a song that actually expresses what I think most of us in our late 20's and early 30's are feeling. I guess I should qualify that by saying that most of us who aren't married with families (and possibly those of us that do) probably feel about the state of our lives. It seems a little like suspended animation, yet there's a war going on somewhere deep down that we have to wrestle with each day. Aren't we supposed to know who we are and what we're about by this point?
It's strange to find out new things about yourself, that things you always thought you knew about you have changed without you realizing it. Since when am I fascinated with Asian cuisine, after years of thinking it was completely overrated? How can I realize in the shower one morning that I think I'd like to be a stand up comic, because I know that if I could write the right routine, I'd kill it? Who is this person? Is she me? I've never wanted to be on a stage.
I supposed I'm just finding out that I'm more than I thought I was. I'm realizing that I'm not scared anymore, of much. The things I fear are less abstract now. I know that I'm on the threshold of a turning point that I can't turn back from: mid life. I'm not so young anymore, but I have no choice but to keep feeling the same... With these strange new developments.
"War of My Life"
Come out Angels
Come out Ghosts
Come out Darkness
Bring everyone you know
I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of Time and there's no where to run
I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash
I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will
All the suffering
And all the pain
Never liked to label
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run
I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
No more suffering
No more pain
Never again
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's no where to run
I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
So Fight on, fight on everyone, so fight on
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
Thanks, Mr. Mayer.
It's strange to find out new things about yourself, that things you always thought you knew about you have changed without you realizing it. Since when am I fascinated with Asian cuisine, after years of thinking it was completely overrated? How can I realize in the shower one morning that I think I'd like to be a stand up comic, because I know that if I could write the right routine, I'd kill it? Who is this person? Is she me? I've never wanted to be on a stage.
I supposed I'm just finding out that I'm more than I thought I was. I'm realizing that I'm not scared anymore, of much. The things I fear are less abstract now. I know that I'm on the threshold of a turning point that I can't turn back from: mid life. I'm not so young anymore, but I have no choice but to keep feeling the same... With these strange new developments.
"War of My Life"
Come out Angels
Come out Ghosts
Come out Darkness
Bring everyone you know
I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of Time and there's no where to run
I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash
I got a pocket
Got no pills
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Then nothing will
All the suffering
And all the pain
Never liked to label
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run
I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
No more suffering
No more pain
Never again
I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's no where to run
I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
So Fight on, fight on everyone, so fight on
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
Thanks, Mr. Mayer.
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