Thursday, January 6, 2011

Listening For Voices, But It's The Choices That Make Us Who We Are

For a long time I thought that just 'going with the flow' was definitely the right way to live.  I definitely believe that it's advantageous to be flexible, but I don't think rolling with every punch gets you anywhere.  There's an old saying that I really like:  "Only dead fish go with the flow."  Dude... So true.

I've finally realized that letting the wind blow me around where ever it may isn't the way I want to live.  Sometimes I need to push back a little.  Or a lot.  A long time ago (a decade, to be exact) when I first moved away and enrolled at a university, I had absolutely zero desire or drive to be there.  I didn't know what I wanted in life (still don't) and just wanted to be free.  Maybe it was being 19 years old...  It could've been anything, but I know now that I'm not that girl anymore.  It took me a decade to figure it out.  A decade.  Damn, that sounds like an eternity.

What I'm trying to say and not really saying well is that I've made some bad choices, but I'm not letting that shit define me.  Watch me fight back and win.  I refuse to be 40 years old and busting my ass at some shitty paying retail job and hating my miserable existence.  I've finally realized that being lazy and too flexible is just dumb.  I'm going to fight hard to make a life for myself that I'm happy with and proud of, no matter what it takes.

So bring it on.  I can handle it.

Today's title is from "The Unwinding Cable Car" by Anberlin.

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