Thursday, April 22, 2010

Home Wrecker?

I have a hard time with the term 'home wrecker'.  Well, technically I have a problem with the term now.  I never gave it a second thought until today.  I always considered someone with this label to be a wretched person, who deserved derision by all she came in contact with.  I think that probably stems from the fact that when I was 16, my parents divorced because my dad was sleeping with his secretary.  My mom had no idea.  She thought their relationship was great.  The secretary and my father are now married, and somewhere deep down I think I still consider her a home wrecker, even though I am friendly with her now.  Her and my father are now a package deal, so I just have to get over it.  My parents' divorce was very hard on me, simply because I was old enough to know exactly what was happening.  I was aware of how ugly things got.  I was used as the bargaining chip in many fights between my parents, against my will.  They never fought until my father filed for divorce, but those fights I did witness changed my outlook on the institution of marriage forever.

If two people aren't right for each other, they just aren't right for each other.  I think a child benefits more from having parents who are divorced but happy.  Nothing good can come from a home where parents fight and animosity is always present.  It scars the children and leaves them with a distorted view of marriage.  I know that while my parents were married, they were loving toward each other and me.  There was never any strife.  Because of that, I had a fabulous childhood.  I say all this because I think that when two people are in a relationship that isn't working, staying together for the kids' sake does more harm than good in the long run.  Kids are smart; they know more than they're ever given credit for.

In a situation where a husband and wife are living together but are basically already separated, there's no such thing as a home wrecker.  It's called the straw that broke the camel's back in that case... If that breaks its back at all.  Maybe the said 'home wrecker' is actually doing the married couple a service by speeding up the inevitable.  People should be happy.  Life is much too short to live your life in misery, even if you think it's the right thing for your kids.  All I ever wanted is for both my parents to be happy... Even if it meant they weren't together.

I know I really have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to marriage, other than being a child from divorced parents.  Getting divorced was the best possible outcome for my parents.  I knew that even when it was happening.  I know one thing for certain:  I will never be a home wrecker.  I will never break up a happy home.

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