In Defense of Our Dreams

The time is currently 4:26 a.m. and I have yet to fall asleep.  I am afflicted with the unemployment blues.  I've talked before about how much being sedentary gets to me, but I'm approaching a whole new area code of boredom, self hate and disgust with the search.  My depression on this subject is growing daily.  I feel like I'm not a contributing member of society at all.  I have nothing to look forward to (or dread for that matter) on a daily basis.  I get through each day by the skin of my teeth, wondering if today is the day that I finally hit pay dirt on the job front.  No such luck.

I've given thought to attempting to get a job as a baker's apprentice at Publix.  The starting pay is around $8.00 per hour.  That's SIX dollars per hour less than my last job.  I'll repeat that for you, because it bears repeating:  SIX DOLLARS less.  The national minimum wage is $6.15.  Granted, it's $8.00 per hour more than I make sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.  Part of my reasoning for the change of career paths (not that I had a particular one to begin with) is because I know that I would enjoy the job.  I love to cook and bake.  There would be no stress coming home from a day baking cakes and bread.  I'd be covered in flour, wearing a sexy hairnet and smelling like sugary frosting.  It doesn't sound so bad to me.

I've sunk to the new low of applying for temp jobs.  I avoided this for as long as I could stand, because I know that temp jobs are the dregs of office work.  Temps are looked at with barely veiled contempt by permanent workers; I know from personal experience on the other side of the fence.  I'm not good at holding in my snide  remarks back at people who think they're superior for no reason (although I once myself was one of those misguided souls).  The grass isn't always greener on the other side, however it may be greener where it rains.

There is no end point to this story tonight, just that I'm beyond frustrated and need a good vent.  I head a new Switchfoot song today that reminded me of myself a bit (without the drug addiction references).  Here are the lyrics, fitting of my state of mind today.

 "Mess of Me"

I am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ain't no drug that they could sell
Ah, there ain't no drugs to make me well

There ain't no drugs
It's not enough
There ain't no drugs
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive

I've made a mess of me
I wanna reverse this tragedy
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive

We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It's hard to feed to the ones you love
Oh, when you can't forgive yourself
Yeah, forgive yourself

There ain't no drugs
There ain't no drugs
There ain't no drugs
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive

I've made a mess of me
I wanna reverse this tragedy
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive

There ain't no drug
There ain't no drug
There ain't no drug
No drugs to make me well

There ain't no drug
It's not enough
We're breaking up
The sickness is myself
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me
I wanna get back the rest of me
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my life alive

I've made a mess of me
I wanna reverse this tragedy
I've made a mess of me
I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive


*Thanks to 30 Seconds to Mars for today's blog title (Kings and Queens).