Thursday, July 9, 2009

Utter Annoyances

*This is probably the first in a series of rant-y lists about things that drive me to drink.

I'm a Virgo. If you're into the horoscope stuff, then you'll know that means that I'm passionate, but for the most part fairly level-headed. I tend to stick fairly closely to what the stars have to say about my personality. There are some things that I'm very obsessive-compulsive about (another Virgo-ish trait). Then there are things that make me want to spazz out like a super biatch, drop f-bombs all over the place and collapse in a heap of exhausted, grumpy, half-hearted tears. Actually, the tears are mostly just from all the rage. Rage makes me weepy. Getting all worked up can make a girl retain water. Once all the drama has passed, you've gotta get rid of it somehow. I figure weeping is damn sure better than peeing your pants. Here are some things that really, really irk the crap outta me:

  • The untrained proctologist behind me in traffic whose hood I can't see because he's so close to my bumper, waving his hand out the window and shouting loudly about how I should GO. Go where exactly? Have you taken a look around, jackass? There is a vehicle directly in front of me and ones ALL AROUND US. We're parked. No one is going anywhere. I'm certainly not going anywhere... But you know where you can go? Straight to Hell.
  • Cashiers who don't acknowledge your existence. Listen, I know your job sucks. I've had your job before. Nearly 99% of all the people you wait on day and and day out are complete and utter d-bags. I get it, believe me, I do. But I'm not among those 99%. I make sure to say hello and to thank you for helping me. I know it's your job to help me, but like I said, I know how much it blows. So if you can't have the friggin courtesy to look up at me and mutter a hello and "have a nice day," back at me, you should go back to playing World of Warcraft in your mommy's basement. You suck donkey nuts.
  • Girls who aren't funny. Is there anything on earth more annoying than a woman with no sense of humor whatsoever? Ohmigod these women should be put out of their misery already. There are quite a few in the office where I work, and I just wonder how they survive their miserable, dejected lives. I find nothing wrong with having a serious nature, but damn! Live a little. Once in a while you have to crack a freaking smile at least.
  • Indecisiveness. Make up your damn mind already!!! There is only so much "I don't know, what do you want to do?" that a girl can take. Take charge. I won't be mad.
  • Picky eaters. Once you pass the age of 12, there is NO excuse for not trying new foods unless you're allergic to something. If all you'll eat is Spaghetti-Oh's and Twinkies, then my opinion is that you're a fat wimp. If you're female you probably fit into the 'girls who aren't funny' category, too. You don't have to go all Bizarre Foods and start eating pig anus, but try something new at the Thai restaurant or eat a piece of sushi. Or like my boyfriend, who's afraid of cheesecake (can you imagine??), just try something you think you don't like again. Tastes change. Stop being such an old stick in the mud.
  • Jumpsuits. Seriously, this is in fashion again? Look at people in Hollywood trying to pull them off. If they look ridiculous on those skinny little bitches on 90210 who eat half a lettuce leaf twice a week, then there isn't an ice cube's chance in India that it's ever going to look remotely good on you. Just sayin.
Rant over... For now. I feel marginally less irritated now. :-)

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