Monday, July 20, 2009

Do you even OWN a mirror???

Once upon a redneck in a ridge far, far away, I used to live on a lake. I wore bikinis and shook my minuscule little tween behind around like I was a big shot. Said behind isn't so minuscule anymore, and it's not clad in a bikini anymore. It's lucky if it ever sees the light of day. The days on the lake seem like a far off, forgotten world to me. It was 15 years ago. I'm an adult now. I have better sense. This is why I don't understand this picture.

Calm down, their faces have been blurred out and I doubt they read well enough to even know what a 'blog' is. I just don't get it. It seems as though they got their bikini pieces mixed up, because the one on the left has a top that obviously is squishing her boobs into submission, while the one on the right has bottoms that must be cutting off circulation to her lower extremities (while her monstrous juggies threaten to burst forth from under the cups of that flimsy top).

I am no bathing beauty. Let me state in another manner: I am not a swimsuit model. I look scary in a bathing suit. Hopefully not this hideous, but not so great either... Anyway, the point is, I'm not trying to be 15 still. I've given in to the fact that I'm rounding the bend toward 30 and I have to dress appropriately. Besides, even if these two were bound and determined to go out in all their teenage finery, did neither of them look in a damn mirror?!?!?!?!?!!?

I'd like to think that if one of them had seen their reflection, they would have stopped and said, "Oh. I look sad. This isn't the best look for me. Maybe if I tried a one piece I'd look a little less desperate..." What I suspect is more likely is that they both looked in the mirror, thought they looked passable and decided to go out anyway.

Would you be even the least bit surprised to learn that these two list their relationship statuses on Facebook as "single"? Didn't think so.

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