Rules to Live By

Last weekend Z and I went to an early movie. We just showed up, not knowing what we would end up seeing. I didn't really have a preference, and he was campaigning for Zombieland. As luck (his) would have it, there was an 11:30am showing for the zombie movie. I begrudgingly acquiesced to seeing it, hoping it wouldn't be too gory for my tastes.

I loved the movie. It was hilarious. This isn't a movie review, so don't worry, I'm not going to rehash everything that happened. All I'll say is that the lead character, a painful geek, has some rules he lives by in order to survive Zombieland. Some were just downright funny, like Limber Up before doing anything really strenuous, or do lots of Cardio! so you can outrun the zombies. There was one rule that ended up applying to life in Humanland, as I found out today. I didn't realize that this rule would come in handy in the way that it did.

Beware of Bathrooms.

In the movie, the character carries a double-barrel shotgun with him into public restrooms to keep zombies from crawling under stall doors to get him with his pants down. Certainly hazardous in the land of make-believe, but not as gross as what I encountered. I headed to the office ladies room just after lunch today, and found myself following our office's biggest (in my humble opinion) bitch in the door. She pranced to the big handicapped stall at the end and locked herself in. I supposed she needs the extra space for her inflated ego and self-worth, but probably just for her ass. Anyway, I went into a stall away from her because I don't want to be subjected to whatever airbourne particles she might emit. The bitch and I are the only two in the ladies room. As I finish up and button my capri pants, Miss Bitch flushes, exits her stall and heads for the door. She does not detour at the sinks.

Let that marinate for a second. There is no sink in the handicapped stall. She doesn't stop to wash her hands. Does she think she is so high and mighty that she doesn't need to be bothered with washing her hands in a public restroom? Yuck. I don't want to touch anything in a public restroom at all, and I can't wait to wash my hands. What in the world is wrong with this girl? Apparently she's not just a bitch, she's a dumb bitch.

So as I said, beware of bathrooms. People don't wash their hands. I kind of wished I would've had Ohio's double-barrel shotgun in the ladies room earlier today, just to scare that bitch into sanitizing.